2008 Woodie Awards
Ask Alex: Guy under critique from friends
Issue date: 4/19/07 Section: Opinion
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Dear Alex,
There's a girl I want to go out with but there's something that has been bothering me for a while. I haven't been in a relationship for a few years and, because of this, my friends usually hassle me about it all the time.
It's gotten to the point where they critique and analyze anybody I'm even remotely interested in until I lose interest. How do I deal with my friends once they know that I'm interested in asking a girl out?
Troubled
Dear Troubled,
Sometimes friends might not realize what they do and say is wrong and can be hurtful even though it might be obvious to you. They aren't mind-readers so you'll have to tell them when they are doing something that bothers you. Clear communication is important for all relationships.
When you tell your friends that you are interested in a girl, ask them for any advice that you want. Make it clear that while you appreciate their advice, you don't appreciate their criticisms.
They are your friends and as such, they should support you rather than hinder you when you wish to pursue a woman. It sounds like your friends are overstepping their boundaries and taking teasing to a potentially harmful level. If they continue to make you miserable when you like a girl, even after you talk to them, then you might need to analyze whether or not they are really your friends.
This is your happiness on the line not your friends' happiness. If they cannot put aside their perspectives to let you have a chance at getting to know someone and possibly dating them, then are they really friends? Friends should care about your feelings because they care about you.
Alex
Alex is the pseudonym of an NMU graduate student who was awarded bachelor's of science in psychology, where she focused primarily on adolescent crisis counseling. She welcomes questions and feedback from students, faculty and community members. Feel free to E-mail her at AskAlex@thenorthwind.org or drop by the North Wind office. Please include your real name with your submission for verification purposes. Anonymity is guaranteed.
There's a girl I want to go out with but there's something that has been bothering me for a while. I haven't been in a relationship for a few years and, because of this, my friends usually hassle me about it all the time.
It's gotten to the point where they critique and analyze anybody I'm even remotely interested in until I lose interest. How do I deal with my friends once they know that I'm interested in asking a girl out?
Troubled
Dear Troubled,
Sometimes friends might not realize what they do and say is wrong and can be hurtful even though it might be obvious to you. They aren't mind-readers so you'll have to tell them when they are doing something that bothers you. Clear communication is important for all relationships.
When you tell your friends that you are interested in a girl, ask them for any advice that you want. Make it clear that while you appreciate their advice, you don't appreciate their criticisms.
They are your friends and as such, they should support you rather than hinder you when you wish to pursue a woman. It sounds like your friends are overstepping their boundaries and taking teasing to a potentially harmful level. If they continue to make you miserable when you like a girl, even after you talk to them, then you might need to analyze whether or not they are really your friends.
This is your happiness on the line not your friends' happiness. If they cannot put aside their perspectives to let you have a chance at getting to know someone and possibly dating them, then are they really friends? Friends should care about your feelings because they care about you.
Alex
Alex is the pseudonym of an NMU graduate student who was awarded bachelor's of science in psychology, where she focused primarily on adolescent crisis counseling. She welcomes questions and feedback from students, faculty and community members. Feel free to E-mail her at AskAlex@thenorthwind.org or drop by the North Wind office. Please include your real name with your submission for verification purposes. Anonymity is guaranteed.
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